glimmer.

Since the end of last year, December 21 to be exact I fell back into depression. Yes I have been properly diagnosed and had sought out help but I still, due to unpreventable circumstances fell back into depression.

I found out my Mom’s cancer was terminal and she would only have about 10 months left of life. This was all too much to cope and handle… I had just had my daughter 3 months earlier and I needed my Mom here to help me with this motherhood thing…

On January 21, exactly one month later, my Mom lost her battle with pancreatic cancer. I felt everything around me shatter. My world came crashing down. My Mom wouldn’t be here to see my daughter grow up or even see her granddaughter’s first birthday. My heart was heavy, my heart hurt.

As each of these passing months has gone by, I have found one small glimmer of hope and happiness. I found it in my daughter. I realize the timing for everything isn’t a coincidence. My Mom was still able to become a first time grandmother and experience that joy. The timing for me becoming a first time Mom was right. I wouldn’t have my Mom’s help any longer but I could and will take all the advice she has given me and apply it in my life. I was given all the tools to be a successful woman.

I look at my daughter and see so much of my mother in her… Not just the features but in the personality. I have been holding on by a thread, I have been holding onto this small sliver of peace. There is a small glimmer of hope in this all.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s